One pair of shorts

So last week I went shopping for my Texas trip and ended up buying 2 pair of shorts, 2 swim suits, a few tanks and a tee.  Today since it's going to be 83 degrees outside and I have the oven going I decided to put a pair of the shorts on.  BAD IDEA!  That one little pair of shorts just ruined my whole day!  I don't know why.  Maybe it's because I haven't worked out for a week, maybe it's because I'm PISSED that I'm working so hard and STILL can't look normal in a pair of shorts.  I never realized just how "baggy" my thighs are.  Standing straight up the skin on the inside of my thighs just hangs and sags and dimples and wrinkles and it makes me want to VOMIT!  Even the kids were looking at my thighs funny.  THAT was the end of that!  There will be no shorts on THIS body until I can FINALLY get to my goal weight and get the plastic surgery that I want to get to tighten all this nastiness!  That one little pair of shorts has squashed my motivation, took the steam out of my engine, and made me want to give up.  I know I can't do that.  I've come too far, I've worked too hard, I've gotten SO much healthier and I can't give up on all of that now.  My insides have changed so much, my confidence has soared and I feel like the negative part of my head is still there and fighting to pull to the forefront of my head today.  I feel utterly repulsive!

I NEED to snap out of it.  I need to just keep doing the work and keep pushing and keep telling myself that I'm an athlete and I'm beautiful inside and out and that one day all the hard work will pay off and I will have finally earned the surgery to have all the disgusting repulsive saggy, baggy skin removed from my body and thrown away forever in some hospital's garbage can, to be taken out with the scraps from the cafeteria.  The thought of such a thing makes me ill and I am TERRIFIED for the surgery, but by that time I don't think there will be anything to stop me from putting the icing on my cake.  How do I overcome this inner monster, how do I shoot that 400 lb negative girl right in her head?!?!?  Will I ever get her out of my head? Will I ever feel worthy?  Will I ever feel beautiful?  Will I EVER be able to wear a damn pair of shorts?!?!?!