Tasha is an INCREDIBLE photographer and I respect her very highly for the amazing stories she tells without a single word. I've been dreaming of working with her for years and finally my time had come. Here I was presenting this crazy idea to her that was completely different from the birth, family, and wedding photography she normally does and she LOVED it and I was relieved that I wasn't completely losing my mind. I was very specific that I wanted this shoot to illustrate the struggle and the emotions, but also the love and connection I have with Tina. As the day got closer there was a host of emotions that went through me....buyers remorse for one. I'm a single mama with two little kids to take care of and here I was selfishly spending money on something that wasn't necessary. Maybe it's mom syndrome and maybe it's just me....I have a VERY hard time spending money on anything that *I* want. I'd much rather be on the giving/providing end of things.
After buyers remorse there was fear....straight up, plain old fear. I couldn't decide what to wear or how to do my hair, however, I had to talk myself in to the fact this is supposed to be real and raw and I'm going to wear and do exactly what I would if the camera wasn't there. On the drive to Total Wellness Coaching where Tina trains, I wanted to vomit from nerves. I realize that people get their pictures taken all the time and that's stressful enough as it is and I also realize that people workout all the time, but no one wants to do both at the same time. Some people have called me crazy. Some people have called me brave, but believe me when I say it's been a LONG time since I've felt as vulnerable as I did that day. I changed in to my normal gym clothes, sports bra, and tied on the bandana that I wear when I go to the gym on my own. I put my hair up in the sloppy mess that I always do and I got down to business thinking that if these images turned out to be something I was ashamed of or embarrassed about the condition of my body, I wouldn't have to show anyone. I could just keep them in their digital state and hide them away deep on my laptop or a USB that I would eventually lose or hide.
But then we got to work....we did measurements, we lifted weights, we threw ropes, we boxed, we did everything that I love and all along the way, we shared stories of past bootcamps and how I met Tiffany and how one of the times that sticks out for Tina most was when I always fell out of a plank before the buzzer and how once when I did it, she got down next to me and told me to "get up!". I told her I can't and she repeated again "get up!" With my entire bootcamp class watching I hoisted my butt up and held that plank for a few more seconds. When she told this story, I bawled of course, because I remembered it like it was yesterday and could FEEL her in my ear telling me to get up and to look at how much I have changed since then. I've been through SO much since that day. I'm not at all the person I was when I said "I can't"....and this body of mine has been through a LOT in it's 33 years. 2 kids, 2 abusive relationships, weight gain, weight loss, and gain again and again and again. It has stretched and twisted and sweat and on occassions it has broken. Literally in terms of a spiral ankle fracture and figuritively in terms of heart ache and anxiety and mental anguish, but this body....this one is mine and there's nothing that's going to change that. I don't get another one and it will never be the same as it was in any point of my life, so I need to do the best I can to keep it up and running.
I am not proud of all of my choices, but I wouldn't change a single one for the world, because this body of mine has carried me through everything I've brought up against it and it deserves a reward. Sure there is skin that hangs and sags and bulges and the images I'm about to show you are not all flattering, but they are real and raw and true and I will never hide behind an idea of what I think I (or anyone else) thinks I SHOULD look like. I will never present myself falsely to ANYONE....there's enough women that do that and I wouldn't ever be proud to count myself as one of them. I'm real and this is who I am, take it or leave it.
So without further adu, I present 100 images in 30 minutes from one of the most amazing photographers I know and shared with no one other than "my Tina". I can't wait to see my transformation in to not who I want to be, but who I am meant to be....This is just the beginning folks!
Enjoy!
Photo Credit: http://www.redbirdhills.com/ Red Bird Hills Photography
Training Provided by: Tina Brown of Total Wellness Coaching http://www.mnpersonaltraining.com/
Password: "Rebecca"
Here is the link for the images: http://shop.redbirdhills.com/p529998694
