Let me first explain how I came up with the name of my blog....
**BODY BY ME**
**BODY BY ME**
In the spring of 2009 I attended a bariatric surgery informational meeting. They explained the different procedure, sucess rates, etc and then we had a Q & A session with former patients. A few of them were wearing shirts that said "Body By Johnson" indicating they owe the condition of their body to Dr. Johnson. I kept thinking "If you worked so hard and struggled so much to get your body to where it is now, why in the world would you want to give the credit for that to a doctor?" So here I am. I take credit for the condition of my body at the beginning of this journey, the middle, and there will be no end. No one is responsible for me. No one MADE me this way, no one has changed my body physically except me. I've made the choices, good or bad, and I want everyone to know that I take full ownership of my body. This body is MINE, no matter it's condition!
I was born July 23, 1981 and have struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. I was a 9lb 15oz baby, so needless to say, I guess I didn't get a great start at being "average". Even in elementary school my weight was the topic of conversation for several well meaning adults in my life and kids (who weren't so well meaning). I was teased and ridiculed making me HATE elementary school.
Elementary School - In 1990 my family moved to a new town and I thought all the kids at school were sooooo nice, because they didn't tease me. I remember telling my parents over and over how much I loved the kids at the new school. For some reason I had some HORRIBLE eating habits engrained in my brain. I remember after school RAIDING the stash of cookies, crackers, spoonfuls of peanut butter, candy, whatever I could find. There were several time I sat with a spoon and ate right out of a bucket of ice cream. There was one particular time my mom's fresh baked cookies got the better of me and I ate probably ATLEAST half a dozen of them (if not more) in one sitting!! This was all before high school.
High School - 230 lbs - The "nice" town that I remembered from elementary school, was NOT so nice anymore. Some of the boys in my own grade (you know who you are) made gagging motions and sounds when I walked by or would jump out of the way like just the sight of me scared the living daylights out of them. Once in particular was particularly mean and ruthless and to this day he will NOT approve a friend request on facebook from me...did the way I look traumatize him THAT bad?!?! I worked at a famous fast food chain and of course made sure I earned my free meals by suggestive selling pies to customers. I always swore when I moved out and bought my own groceries that I would fill my house with things that were good for me and I would lose the weight. My senior year I got in to a bad relationship and BALLOONED to an amazing 380+ lbs. I don't know my exact weight, because I was in denial and refused to look at a scale, even at the clinic I begged them not to weigh me and if they insisted I stood on the scale backward so I couldn't see.
Adult Life - After leaving that bad relationship and getting engaged to someone new I swore I would not be a "fat bride" and my goal was to wear a single digit size wedding dress. A tall feat for someone currently in a 28+.
2004 - I started LA Weight Loss and did AWESOME until my weakness reared it's ugly head at a wedding I attended 6 months later. Cheesecake....always has been my weakness. I've always said "no matter what diet I'm on, I WILL eat cheesecake if it's available". I lost 98.6 lbs in one year! I was so proud of myself and was loving the attention I got from family and friends. FINALLY they were proud of me and not criticizing me or giving me "suggestions" on how I could "get thin".
2005 - Wedding planning stress got the better of me and I started packing back on the lbs. By our wedding, the dress my mom had so generously purchased for me needed to be converted to a "corset style" back because it couldn't be let out anymore.
2006 - I married a man I thought was my soul mate in a size 28 super altered wedding dress. The dress was and still is beautiful, but I did NOT look the way I wanted to on the day I was supposed to feel like a princess. The day I was supposed to be more beautiful than anyone in the room. I was heart broken! The torn ligaments I endured AT my wedding reception did not help and I gained even more weight sitting on my couch, waiting for my knee to heal. So much in fact that my size 28 jeans didn't even fit me anymore.
2007 - I started Weight Watchers for the 2nd or 3rd time and then got pregnant with my daughter. We had been trying for her since we got married, so I was delighted! Up until 36 weeks I managed to LOSE weight while being pregnant, then came the bedrest....enough said. I ballooned to over 370 lbs! After I delivered my daughter, the emotions were crazy and while I obviously lost a small amount of weight, it was not significant enough to mention or keep track of. When my daughter was two months old I fell and broke my ankle, again, putting my weight loss dreams and goals on hold. By the time the cast came off I had lost all interest in most personal hygeine, I didn't have ANY clothes that fit me, and I was depressed to say the least. Once I got back on my feet I naturally lost another small amount of weight just from being able to MOVE again, but also refused to get on a scale because I knew the number (over 400lbs) would put me in an even deeper depression.
2008 - I discovered I was pregnant with my son. This time, no bed rest! I was walking and trying to stay active and managed to only gain 5 lbs through my whole pregnancy. I was smaller and lighter when I gave birth than I had been when I got pregnant.
Summer 2009 - I met a woman in my new neighborhood that was going to school to be a personal trainer. She very much reminded me of Jillian Michaels (but without the big heart). She was tough and rigid and very drill seargent like. I worked out with her 5-6 days a week. I'm not sure of my weight at that point, but the scale at the gym maxed out at 350 lbs and it couldn't weigh me for quite some time. I guessed I was in the 365lb neighborhood. 5 weeks later I was down approximately 30 lbs, putting me at 335! I was ecstatic! Then the friendship I developed went south and dissolved. I put 13 lbs back on over the next few months.
2010 - Every January I had always made a specific "resolution". X amount of lbs, hit the gym every single day, etc. This year I said "I just want to be healthy". I created a facebook support group of women called "2010 is THE year". In March I was asked to be a bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding and while THRILLED the biggest dress they carried was still 5 inches too small in the waist for me. TIME TO GET SERIOUS! My best friend convinced me to start Atkins, and while that definitely worked for the first two weeks and got my body jump started, not only is it unhealthy in the long run, but it's HARD, so I took all the knowledge I've gained over the years about what is healthy, what is not, mixed with my own personal experience and created a lifestyle that works for me. The first day was PURE HELL because of withdrawals (yup! Just like a drug addict), but after that and ever since has definitely been a lot easier. I stuck closely to the healthy way of eating I had developed and managed to lose well over 100 lbs in 2010. I dropped from a size 28 to a size 18 pants. I went from 3X to a XL and sometimes a L (depending on the store and item). I went from a 52G to a 38DDD. Absolutely astonishing to look at the numbers laid out like that!
2011 - This turned out to be a rough year for me. It started out well and the summer of 2011 I reached the lowest weight I'd ever been at...222. HOWEVER, a divorce, career, change, and housing change and I packed back on 64 lbs in a matter of 9 months.
2012 - This year has been a bumpy road, but I made it through. Weighing in at 265.0 I'm closer to my lowest weight than my highest, so that is not a complete loss. I left everything I knew and all of my closest friends in February as well as closed my in home daycare and went to a "real" 9-5 job and had to put my kids in daycare for the first time EVER. I had to move (twice) and all that entails as well as give up some of my most loved activities to be a single mommy. While I miss those activities (Boot Camp, Boxing, Yoga, and Zumba), I love my kids more than life itself, so we are making it work for us. My highest weight in 2012 was 299 lbs....missed it by a lb, but boy am I glad I haven't seen the 3 again!!
2013 - My resolutions for the year include treating myself to 3 hard core workouts a week. It doesn't matter what days or time, but I deserve those workouts and I so desperately need and want them.
2014 - 2013 went up and down and now we are nearing the end of 2014 and it's been a lot of the same. Stress and emotions open the flood gates to emotional eating and a sedentary lifestyle. This rollercoaster has been fun (and sometimes not so much), but I'm ready to get off of it. Ready to to ride a nice even, calm sea and focus on what matters most....my health. Without it, I will not be a good mom, girlfriend, friend, coworker, or acquaintance. 2015 is sure to be full of a few more ups and downs and I want to be ready to tackle them head on!
